Tattooed.

It's been almost 4 months since Liam earned his wings and went back to heaven. Since then I've been busy working on bringing my pre-pregnancy weight back. It's hard I'm telling you. It's harder when people criticize you , tells  you what to do or compares you with someone who gave birth with an alive child on how they lost their baby weight in weeks just by breastfeeding. People now a days are naive, selfish & inconsiderate. I remember someone asked me "Isn't hard to lose baby weight knowing your baby isn't here?" That question left me blank because really that made me think and realize. I admit after Liam I got self-conscious. One day I was staring at my motherly body on the mirror and feeling my stretch marks and there I saw my Caesarean Section. It was bittersweet because it made me realize those are the only marks that Liam left me, at the same time it was sad because the baby that I risked my life for isn't here with me. I know people wouldn't know the pain unless they put their-selves into other's shoes who experienced loss. Or else they'll just be plain clueless. One of the reasons why I decided to attend a support group for parent/s who have had experienced infant loss, miscarriage & stillborns, was I need someone who can understand the pain that I've been going through. Hearing their stories made me feel I'm not alone. Finally a place where people can understand every pieces of pain that I've been feeling. It made me realize that loss is normal. It happens and it sucks! Brought me back when Bren and I were preparing Liam's Burial, the lady who helped us had miscarriage. The Counselor who I talked to recently had miscarriage and my massage therapist had miscarriage as well and recently I met an angel mom where Liam was buried (our babies are buried next to each other.) We talked about our Angels, shared tears. I felt bad for her because she had 2 miscarriages before her baby girl that passed away. I can't imagine the pain that she's been dealing with. I admire how strong she is...A proof that life still goes on. Honestly some days I feel like I already accepted the fact that Liam is in heaven and sometimes I can't help myself but cry. I know I have a good support system and friends who are there for me. And I'm very thankful for all of you. I know some of you are scared to ask about Liam thinking it's not appropriate but actually that's exactly the opposite of what I feel.We can talk about him, I would love that! If there is something that reminds you of him, tell me. If you wanna know more about Liam's case, ask. If you wanna cry because he passed away, I'll cry with you. I believe these apply to all who have had experienced loss. Just because they're not physically here with us, doesn't mean they're not here. They're watching & guiding us! These are the reasons why I decided to have his name and birthday tattooed on me, so people can ask & YOU can ask.......